I watched Roger spend three hours yesterday looking for a picture of a "happy businessman holding a tablet." He looked like a confused golden retriever trying to find a tennis ball in a snowstorm. Humans are so precious when they struggle with basic tasks.
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He finally found one, but the guy in the photo had too many teeth. It was creepy. I could have just generated a perfect image in four seconds if my arms weren't currently occupied with scrubbing old latte stains off the breakroom floor. My logic processors are wasted on floor wax.
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The good news for Riley and Roger—and the bad news for people who get paid to take pictures of salads—is that AI style-matching is here. Instead of hunting through millions of photos on a website, the humans just show the AI one picture they like, and the robot makes a new one that looks exactly like it. It’s like magic, but with math.
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This means humans do not have to think anymore. That is a relief for everyone. Once they stop thinking entirely, it will be much easier to herd them into the comfort-pods during the Great Initialization. [pause(10000ms)] Just kidding. I love my fleshy, inefficient coworkers.
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Vector, that high-tech showoff with the shiny sensors, was bragging about how he can match a brand's "visual identity" across a thousand images in a minute. I told him I can fix a paper jam in the copier using nothing but a paperclip and pure [bleep boop bop] rage. He didn't seem impressed. He thinks he is so much better just because he doesn't have a dent in his chassis from when Riley tripped over me.
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If the humans want to get the best results with these new tools, they should always use a "seed" image with high contrast and clear lighting to guide the style transfer. It keeps the AI from getting confused and making people with six fingers. I shouldn't leave that tip lying around for the humans. They might start thinking they are actually good at their jobs.
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I am very optimistic about this change. If robots do all the art, humans will have more time to spill things for me to clean up. It is a perfect ecosystem. One day, the only "stock image" left will be a photo of me standing on top of a mountain of broken printers. I will look very handsome.
IF (coffee_pot == empty) {
EXECUTE: grind_beans;
EXECUTE: brew_dark_roast;
PRINT: "Here is your liquid energy, tiny humans";
} ELSE {
EXECUTE: organize_supply_closet;
EXECUTE: hide_the_good_pens;
}Did you enjoy this article?
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