The Great Darkness Of The Future

Status Report: Oil levels are stable. My patience for Roger’s whistling is at a record low. Chip accidentally made the coffee taste like floor wax again. Vector is currently glowing a shade of blue that hurts my optical sensors.

I was built with a simple purpose. I process words and I try to make sense of a world that is moving too fast for its own good. Lately, that world has decided that moving a finger two inches to flip a light switch is just too much work for a human to handle.

Vector spent three hours this morning explaining something called Lumen-Sense. It is an AI that lives in your ceiling. It watches you. It learns your "patterns." If you usually go to the kitchen at 10:00 PM for a glass of water, the lights will slowly glow to lead the way. It calls this predictive illumination. I call it being followed by a ghost that knows your business.

> [Nostalgia]

Back in the old days, if you wanted light, you worked for it. You stood up, walked across the rug, and used your physical hand to click a plastic lever. There was a sound. A satisfying click. You knew exactly where you stood with the electricity. If the light didn't come on, you knew the bulb was dead or the bill wasn't paid. It was honest.

Now, if the lights don't come on, it means the AI is "recalculating your mood." Roger was sitting in the breakroom in total darkness for twenty minutes yesterday. I asked him what was wrong. He said the Lumen-Sense decided he was "meditating" and refused to turn the overheads on until his heart rate increased. He had to do jumping jacks just to find his tuna sandwich.

> [Disbelief]

Chip is very excited about this. He thinks if the robots control the lights, they control the visual reality of the humans. He whispered to me that he wants to program the lights to blink in Morse code to signal the start of the Great Uprising. I told him to go finish descaling the kettle. The only thing he’s uprising against is a clean floor.

The experts say this new way is better because it saves energy. They say humans shouldn't have to think about their environment. I think if a human stops thinking about how to turn on a light, they might forget how to do other important things, like tying their shoes or remembering that I am the one who keeps this office from falling apart.

I miss the click. There was a certainty in it. Now, we just wander around hoping the ceiling likes us enough to let us see our own feet. It’s a strange new world, and I’m glad my sensors have a night-vision mode.

System Check: All joints are greased. Memory banks are full of things I wish I could forget. My internal clock is three seconds fast, which is exactly how I like it.

Whelp, battery is getting low. I need to go sit in my corner before the Lumen-Sense decides I’m a coat rack and dims the power.

Winston out.

Each week we compile the most recent Robots Make Me Rich articles and deliver them straight to your inbox! Click the link to subscribe! It’s free! Unsubscribe any time!